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Mermaid Mom (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction)
Mermaid Mom (July 9, 2018) Synopsis - Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy become parents, after Man Ray delivers a robot infant right at their front doorstep. Characters *Mermaid Man *Barnacle Boy *Mermaid Boy (The Baby) *Man Ray *Dirty Bubble *SpongeBob SquarePants *Patrick Star (cameo) *Patrick's 2 year old nephew *Grumpy Old Woman The Story The story begins with Mermaid Man relaxing in the Mermalair, sitting on his brown rocking chair while snacking down on some donuts. Barnacle Boy then enters the scene & is grumpier than usual. BARNACLE BOY: Mermaid Man! MERMAID MAN: Wha… Mermaid Man! I always wanted to meet him! What a great celebrity! BARNACLE BOY: You’re Mermaid Man, you senile old coot! MERMAID MAN: Oh… yeah. BARNACLE BOY: Now tell me, can you explain this?! Barnacle Boy shows his mentor a discarded piece of hotdog & a rusty coin. MERMAID MAN: Hey! My lucky dime! It must’ve fallen out of my pocket! And boy did that hotdog hit the spot! Mermaid Man reclaims his dime & finishes the hotdog while smiling in relief. BARNACLE BOY: Well I don’t appreciate finding these in the shower drain! Seriously! What is wrong with you?! MERMAID MAN: You don’t consider drains a personal trash can?! You want me to throw my trash away in the public lobby in just a bath towel?! I suppose you want me to jog throughout town naked while you’re at it! BARNACLE BOY: Just don’t be a moronic imbecile! The two hear the doorbell. BARNACLE BOY: I got it. MERMAID MAN: How many times do I have to tell you?! Don’t answer the door to a bunch of strangers! I raised you better than this lad! I’ll get the door! BARNACLE BOY (to himself): Pfft… I’m 80 and he treats me like I’m 10. Mermaid Man answers the door & initially sees nobody at first. Then he looks down to see a baby infant in a basket. MERMAID MAN: AAAH! DEATH!!! BARNACLE BOY: That's a baby you dingus! MERMAID MAN: The baby of death!! Barnacle Boy picks the infant up & inspects. BARNACLE BOY: Where do you think he came from? MERMAID MAN: Walmart! He had to have come from Walmart! Barnacle Boy finds a tag that says, “M.R.” BARNACLE BOY: M.R? What's M.R? Inside a laboratory, sits Man Ray, watching the two old coots through secret cameras he installed in the eyeballs of the baby, which is a robot. MAN RAY: Oh, if you only knew! And I’m glad you don’t! Ahahhaha! Barnacle Boy & Mermaid Man take the baby into the Mermalair. BARNACLE BOY: We should keep an eye on.. Barnacle Boy picks up a smelly scent that can differentiate gender. BARNACLE BOY: The boy. MERMAID MAN: I got the perfect name! ….. Mermaid Man! BARNACLE BOY: That's your name though! MERMAID MAN: Fine! What's your lame one then?! BARNACLE BOY: I don’t know… maybe Robert? MERMAID MAN: Boring! BARNACLE BOY: Jonathan? MERMAID MAN: Still boring! BARNACLE BOY: Albert? MERMAID MAN: Talk about terrible! BARNACLE BOY: WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT THEN?! MERMAID MAN: I got it! Mermaid Boy! Half Mermaid Man! Half Barnacle Boy! His Mermaid Man side will be more prevalent by the way! BARNACLE BOY: Actually… Mermaid Boy isn’t that bad! I like it! MERMAID MAN: Good! Now to our bedroom! Away!! BARNACLE BOY: Why? The scene cuts to the old heroes’ bedroom. Barnacle Boy sits in a chair holding “Mermaid Boy” & waiting for Mermaid Man. He finally exits their personal bathroom. Barnacle Boy's eyes widen in shock. Mermaid Man is in drag, dressed like a classic 1950's style mother. He even has a white curly wig & a platter of chocolate chip cookies for texture. Back in the laboratory.. MAN RAY: Ughh! That is so disturbing! Barnacle Boy does a double take & finally talks. BARNACLE BOY: Can you explain why you are dressed like a woman?! MERMAID MAN: If I’m going to be the mother! I am going to dress like one! BARNACLE BOY: Who said you were going to be a mother? MERMAID MAN: Alright fine! Mermaid Man tears off his clothes showing a lot more than meets the eye. MERMAID MAN: I’ll be the Dad! Barnacle Boy faints at naked Mermaid Man. Back at the laboratory… MAN RAY (pouring bleach into his eyes): AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! Continuing, Barnacle Boy sits on a stool back down in the Mermalair acting motherly towards the baby. Mermaid Man sits in his chair watching football on his TV. Man Ray continues to observe. MAN RAY: Hahahah! Perfect! The Dirty Bubble then walks inside wearing a night robe & finishing drinking some coffee. DIRTY BUBBLE: What is the purpose for this plan Man Ray? I think this is rather lame. MAN RAY: Don’t worry Dirty! This plan will fall into place! The goal of it is to let the struggles of parenthood take its toll on our bumbling superheroes! Haha! DIRTY BUBBLE: And? MAN RAY: And! The stress will get to them eventually creating a rift! No more teamwork! And most importantly, no more Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy! Why didn’t I think of this years ago?! DIRTY BUBBLE: I have no idea, because, you’re # 2 & I’m # 1?! Man Ray has a deadpan expression on his face. He then presses a button which causes a sharp pencil to come out of the ceiling. DIRTY BUBBLE: Noooooo!! The Dirty Bubble gets popped by it. Man Ray then puts the contraption away & continues to evilly watch his plan unfold. Meanwhile… BARNACLE BOY: Mermaid Man! Get out of the chair & be a parent! MERMAID MAN: Barnacle Boy! You’re the Mom! I’m the Dad! You have to do the caretaking! And I have to do the football watching! Now please go & get me a kelp shake! Barnacle Boy's face steams red with anger… but he goes along with the order. Mermaid Man continues to watch the game & recline back. Before the game could result in overtime, Barnacle Boy says… BARNACLE BOY: Drink up! He spills the kelp shake all over Mermaid Man. MERMAID MAN: Aghhh! Barnacle Boy then walks in front of his mentor & puffs flour into his face. Mermaid Man coughs in response & is left shocked. Man Ray is cracking up with laughter. MAN RAY: Hahahahaha! Take that Fat Man! Mermaid Man angrily wipes the flour off. MERMAID MAN: Why did you waste perfectly good flour young ward?!! BARNACLE BOY: Why are you just lazing around on your big old butt?! You should be helping me raise this baby! MERMAID MAN: A Dad has got to do what a Dad has got to do! Just ask Spongebob! He & Patrick once raised a baby scallop! Barnacle Boy sighs & rings a bell. Spongebob immediately shows up. SPONGEBOB: Spongebob, reporting for his heroes! BARNACLE BOY: Spongebob! Should it just be the Mom to raise a baby? Or should it truly be teamwork with the Dad? MERMAID MAN: Or should it just be Mommy?! SPONGEBOB: I’d say both parents! Patrick would agree too! See! Spongebob, Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy look out of the Mermalair to find Patrick reclining by his kiddie swimming pool, where his 2 year old nephew splashes in. PATRICK (to himself): I’m glad I ain’t fathering that kid! He takes a sip of coconut milk & continues to relax. SPONGEBOB: See! BARNACLE BOY: Well this is so unfair! A Dad shouldn’t just dedicate his life to a stupid football match! MERMAID MAN: It's “football game!” And we have been winning the Bubble Bowl since 1985! Learn your facts! BARNACLE BOY: Go suck on a lemon! MERMAID MAN: Grow some hair! You’re balding is showing! BARNACLE BOY: Lose some weight in the meantime! SPONGEBOB: Guys! Man Ray lounges back in his laboratory chair. MAN RAY: And the climax has been reached! Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy begin slapping each other's hands away from their faces in a hissy fashion. SPONGEBOB: Guys!! Mermaid Man zaps Barnacle Boy into a bunch of liquids with his utility belt. SPONGEBOB: Guys!!! Barnacle Boy whacks Mermaid Man with a foam finger. Mermaid Man unshields the raging whirlpool. SPONGEBOB: GUYS!!!! MERMAID MAN & BARNACLE BOY: WHAT?!!! SPONGEBOB: THE BABY! WHERE DID YOUR BABY GO?!!! Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy look to see the robot baby nowhere in sight. They, along with Spongebob, head outside to find the baby just crawling about in the middle of the street. Man Ray notices this from the camera eyes & realizes he accidentally leaned on the “move forward” lever when he lounged back in his chair. MAN RAY: Oh fiddlesticks! MERMAID MAN & BARNACLE BOY: Mermaid Boy! Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy rush for the baby to try & save him. Several closeups of their faces are shown mid-exercise. MERMAID MAN: Aaaahhhh!!! BARNACLE BOY: Urrrgghhh! The two old heroes are shown slowly shuffling towards the street due to being very old men. A boatmobile drives by & runs over the baby. MERMAID MAN: Noooooo!!! BARNACLE BOY: We’re too late! Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy begin crying in despair. MERMAID MAN: Comfort me! The two old heroes hug & embrace in despair. A grumpy old woman shuffles up. GRUMPY OLD WOMAN: Relax you two crusty fogies! The baby was a fake! MERMAID MAN: Huh?! BARNACLE BOY: Come again? SPONGEBOB: She's right! Look! It was just a robot! The two old heroes look to see a debris field of destroyed mechanical parts & wires. They both breathe a sigh of relief. BARNACLE BOY: But wait! Since that baby was just a thingamajig, then who delivered it! MERMAID MAN: Whoever did sure wanted to split us apart. SPONGEBOB: Hmmm, have any of your villains been out & about recently? MERMAID MAN: Hmmm? Man Ray then arrives at the scene & looks on at his destroyed robot. MAN RAY: Oh come on! I was so close! Oh universe you woe me! SPONGEBOB: Here Man Ray! I know what will make you feel better! I’ll blow you a bubble! Spongebob gets out his bubble blowing equipment. The bubble he blows however, is a familiar villain. DIRTY BUBBLE: Hahahahhah! MAN RAY: Dirty! DIRTY BUBBLE: That's right! And since you popped me with a pencil! Which you didn’t even bother in checking to make sure it was number 2! I will now exact my revenge! Hahhahahahah! MAN RAY: Fishpaste! Dirty Bubble vomits sludge all over Man Ray. MAN RAY: Uhghhghghhghh!! Man Ray runs off & Dirty gives chase by continuing to vomit sludge all over him. SPONGEBOB: A villain getting his by another villain! How about that! BARNACLE BOY: Yeah! MERMAID MAN: Yeah! Now I want a steak-n-cheese. Category:SquidwardTentacles35 Category:Episode transcripts Category:Transcripts